I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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