The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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