so that wasnt chicken after all
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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