So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
