I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
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