I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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