READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize