So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
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oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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