i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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