If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
