I think I won the penis lottery.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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