the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
