doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
