hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
