She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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