this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
