I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize