Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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