I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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