then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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