did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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