Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
