I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
