You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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