Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize