drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
