His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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