I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize