The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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