i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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