Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
