I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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