Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
