I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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