he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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