thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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