theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
