Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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