actually, I'm a sock model
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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