Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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party gras won. party gras always wins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand