I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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