thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize