I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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