There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
