: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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