Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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