Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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