I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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