its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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