Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
