whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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