dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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