the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
