I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
