I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
